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Jokes

  • heaven

    She calls it the silent treatment, I call it heaven on earth.

  • birds and the bees

    My father taught me about the birds and the bees.
    Now I’m dating a blackbird that swallows.

  • why pay taxes

    why-taxes

    when they can just print money?

  • prank

    My father-in-law is hilarious. He recorded the lotto numbers from a news broadcast the night before on DVR then picked a ticket containing those numbers for his wife. Seeing my mother-in-law brought to tears of joy and played that had was the greatest thing ever. Too bad they’re old people and didn’t record the shit.

  • drunk guy

    North Korea is like that angry drunk guy at a party. everyone is trying to calm him down but he’s convinced he needs to fight someone.

  • lately

    I said to my wife, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” She giggled and said, “No” I said, “Doesn’t that tell you something?”

  • attention

    Oh look, North Korea wants attention again.

  • If Godzilla had a son, his name would be Jesuszilla.

    If Godzilla had a son, his name would be Jesuszilla.

  • picture

    I was going to buy some Viagra when the cashier asked what I needed it for…. Without saying anything I whipped out a picture of my wife.

  • resolution

    New Years Resolution:
    -Date more models.
    -(Revised) Date more girls.
    -(Re-revised) Date a girl. -(Re-re-revised) Talk to a girl. -(Re-re-re-revised) Find a girl. -(Re-re-re-re-revised) Cry less while masturbating.