Skip to content

Jokes

  • Pro tip: if you must speak in court, do not put air quotes…

    Pro tip: if you must speak in court, do not put air quotes around “the law”. Judges hate that.

  • conclusion

    How do we know that Cinderella was written by a women?

    Because if it was written by a guy the prince would have fucked her till 12 then she would have turned into a pizza.

  • I’ve never understood why guys go to strip clubs.

    I’ve never understood why guys go to strip clubs. If I wanted someone to flash their tits, come on to me, take my money, then refuse to fuck me I would go home to my wife.

  • except

    I just explained Google images to my mum.
    ‘Pick anything to search for’, I said. She replied ‘What about a nice cream pie?’.
    ‘Except that.’ I said.

  • clinomania

    Teacher: “Why were you absent yesterday? Were you sick?”
    Me: “Yeah, i was sick with Clinomania.”
    Teacher: ” Oh, okay. Excused.”
    Clinomania:(n) excessive desire to stay in bed.

  • so hard

    Mom: “Shouldn’t you be cleaning your room?”
    Me: “Shouldn’t you be in the Kitchen?”
    I’ve never been hit so hard.

  • always

    I’m not an alcoholic; I just like having an attractive wife.

  • Hello

    I got sent out of class once at school. The teacher shouted at me, “what would your parents say if I called them?”
    “Umm… Hello?”

  • question

    Seriously, what if the astroid that hit Earth and killed all the dinosaurs was a UFO…….
    ……. and we’re the aliens……

  • familiar

    Is it just me or the words “Lawyer” and “Liar” sound a bit too familiar….??