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Jokes

  • tha last night i…

    The best moments in life are the ones you can’t put on Facebook

  • bad man

    I’m atheist… But I still want the people I hate to burn in hell.

  • long time to finish

    Having sex with a condom is a lot like eating Cheerios with chopsticks. I’m still going to enjoy it but its going to take me a really long time to finish.

  • your life/wife

    One million copies of a new book sold in just 2 days due to typing error of one alphabet in title “An idea, that can change your wife’..

  • delete history

    I wish my computer would stop asking me stupid questions. Of course I’m sure I want to clear my browser history.

  • drunk forever

    Kid:Daddy why did you and mommy divorce?
    Dad:Well your mother couldn’t keep me drunk forever…

  • right arm

    Girl: Do you play tennis?
    Me: Why?
    Girl: Well, your right arm seems a lot more firm than your left.
    Me: Yeah I play tennis

  • My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said,…

    My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said, motioning to the waitress, “don’t ever get married”

  • android

    “yea you can use my charger, mine is full” -no Android user ever

  • last meal

    I’m having a relaxing bath and I think my girlfriend is making me a sandwich! YES! I assume anyways since she’s bringing the toaster into the bathroom.