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Jokes

  • waiting game

    My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.

  • no caffeine

    Drinking coffee with no caffeine is like masturbating with a condom on.

  • fingers

    My wife was complaining that I never lift a finger around the house. So I did,
    The middle one.

  • viagraccino

    Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you’re up all night.

  • prood

    Oh,you want proof that prayer doesn’t work?
    just look at the middle east

  • hormonika

    Q: Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
    A: He was too busy playing the hormonica

  • applause

    If you like to listen to music while having sex. Play a live album.
    That way you get an applause every 4 minutes.

  • suffer

    Ladies!
    Men don’t suffer from premature ejaculation.
    You do.

  • pervs

    Logic: 1.The Government can access any personal info sent over smartphones. 2.Teenagers send each other nudes. 3. The Government is full of giant pervs.

  • chances

    The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow.
    …Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.