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Jokes

  • experience

    Over the years I’ve learned that everyone has to pay for their own mistakes.
    Except for the government.
    We have to pay for theirs too.

  • don’t ask

    If you have to ask a woman if she came, she didn’t.

  • Ghepetto walked in on his son Pinnochio, and nearly died of a…

    Ghepetto walked in on his son Pinnochio, and nearly died of a heart attack when he saw his son..

    Lying under the bed sheets with an IKEA catalog..

  • solver

    When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem Solver.

  • To those who say love is more important than money…

    To those who say love is more important than money…
    Have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? 

  • In hell, everyone can see your Google search history.

    In hell, everyone can see your Google search history.

  • almost cooking

    The recipe might be easy, but a reservation is easier.

  • to do

    The Pink Panther’s To Do list:
    – To do
    – To do
    – To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

  • not miracle

    “MOM I HAVE GOOD NEWS!
    “What? Did you get an A on your math exam?”
    “I said I have good news, not a miracle.”

  • exotic stare

    Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.