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Jokes

  • are you done

    Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table “are you done with that?”

    Especially when he’s breaking up with his girlfriend.

  • fruit

    I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I’m having wine for dinner.

  • Guy: Please don’t tell my girlfriend that we had sex.

    Guy: Please don’t tell my girlfriend that we had sex.

    Girl: I won’t, my lips are sealed.

    Guy: LIAR!

  • fence

    The range of the Wi-Fi signal is MY electric fence.

  • guards

    Anyone else find it ironic how professional boxers need security guards to walk them to the ring?

  • true love

    True love is waking up in the middle of the night just to watch your laptop while it sleeps.

  • no guess

    The wife rang me earlier and said:
    “You’ll never guess who I saw today.”
    “There’s not much incentive to try then” I said as I put the phone down.

  • recording

    Why do married Indian women have that red dot on their forehead?

    they’re recording everything!

  • “Hey, Jesus.

    “Hey, Jesus. At what time are we having the last supper?”
    “‘Last’?”
    “Supper. I mean just supper. Hehehe…”
    “You’re weird, Judas.

  • great Wall

    My son has a huge wall of toys in his room.
    I call it the Great Wall Of Made In China.