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Jokes

  • paying

    Cashier: ok that will be $237.53
    me: do you accept tears

  • prank

    There is nothing funnier than yelling, “SHE’S STEALING MY CHILD!” and pointing at a woman who’s having trouble with her kid in public.

  • die hard

    I hope when Bruce Willis dies it’s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read “Bruce Willis Died Hard”

  • cookies

    Why do fat people spend all day browsing the internet?
    To get more cookies.

  • browsers

    Google chrome: “what are we?!”
    firefox: “browsers!”
    opera: “browsers!”
    Google chrome: “what do we want?!” firefox: “fast internet!”   opera: “fast internet!”  Google chrome: “when do we want it?!”  internet explorer: “browsers!”

  • the same

    When I say I want someone with a sense of humor, I really mean I want someone with MY sense of humor.

  • like most people

    Do you think regular dogs hate police dogs like most people hate policemen?

  • free wifi

    Today I found out the name of my neighbors cat…

    In other news, I now have free internet.

  • saddest

    Saddest thing I’ve ever read on the internet:

    “When I’m feeling lonely I dont shave one of my legs so it feels like I’m sleeping next to a man.”

  • recording

    The Japanese flag is recording everything.