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Jokes

  • Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like…

    Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?
    No?

    How about now??

  • You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they…

    You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

  • second

    My girlfriend notices i play X-box a lot.One afternoon she came over when i was playing X-box and she said “its like your second girlfriend”.I looked her straight in the eye and said “YOU’RE THE SECOND GIRLFRIEND!!!”
    and now im single.︶︿︶

  • “did I ever tell you you’re my hero?” “sir…” “you’re…

    “did I ever tell you you’re my hero?”
    “sir…”
    “you’re everything I wish I could be.”
    “sir, I’m getting rained on, please just take your pizza.”

  • scare

    Ladies, if you really wanna scare a guy this year, don’t get a costume. Get a shirt that says “Ready for marriage” or “Size matters” …

  • trust

    Trust is the most important thing in any relationship..
    Without 100% trust in a woman, how do you know she won’t tell your wife?

  • surprised

    I just won an Academy Award for acting surprised when my credit card was declined.

  • ligjter

    The new iPad Air will make your wallet very lighter.

  • moaning

    moan louder every time the cashier scans one of your items

  • Halloween

    This Halloween I’m dressing up as a plate.

    Girls love to do dishes.