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Jokes

  • next level

    Look.. I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, but I think it’s time we take our relationship to the next level.

    Can I clean your house and make you dinner everyday? #Jokester

  • They want too

    Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church… everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

  • who hasn’t

    Mama Bear: “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!”

    Papa Bear: “Who hasn’t, you whore?!?”

  • my eyes are here

    I know how women feel, I’ve had pair of breast tattooed on my forehead and now it’s like…
    Hellooo, my eyes are down here!

  • no more gifts

    My wife asked me, “Honey, before we got married you use to give me gifts now you don’t, why?”
    “Have you ever seen a fisherman giving worms to a fish he already caught?” I answered.

  • I am..

    Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.

  • jealous

    Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!

  • too much

    Me: ‘I”ve decided to stop studying.”
    Mom -”How come?”
    Me-”I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.”

  • excuse

    heres an excuse for bald men: its not a bald spot it’s a solar panel for a sex machine

  • movie reviewer

    When I go to the movies alone, I take a clipboard so everyone thinks I’m a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.