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Jokes

  • to explain

    If only God can judge us than Santa has some explaining to do.

  • statistical

    When we break something-
    5%- Fix it.
    10%- Tell someone that you broke it.
    85%- Fix it just enough so that the next person who uses it thinks that they broke it.

  • break-up

    Best break-up line:
    I get so emotional when your not around..
    I call that emotion Happiness.

  • police smartphone

    In North Korea, they developed the first-ever smartphone, just like an iPhone. But if you ask Siri any questions, she reports you to the police.

  • trick

    The government really are sneaky bastards. They raise the tax on alcohol, then make sure that the country is in such a mess that you have to drink more.

  • “It’s never too late!” ~Late people

    “It’s never too late!”

    ~Late people

  • under pressure

    I hate that they put “use by” dates on condoms… like I’m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.

  • rambo no. 5

    I hope the next Rambo movie is called “Rambo no. 5”, and its just Stallone dancing thru the jungle shooting a lil bit of this and a lil bit of that!

  • awkward

    If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.

  • ready

    Husband 1: Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Husband 2: Buddy, by the time
    she gets ready no other place is open!