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Jokes

  • fortune teller

    So the interviewer asked “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

    I responded “Do you see fortune teller on my fucking resume`?!? No you dont, dipshit!” Nailed that interview I think.

  • strangers

    I get really fucking pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of personal questions.

    So no… the job interview didn’t go very well.

  • diaper

    How many blondes does it take to change a diaper?

    Ask Hugh Hefner.

  • surprise

    My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday

  • without

    I love watching women’s Curling during the Olympics.
    It’s the only time I can drink beer while cheering on a woman sweeping a broom…without getting slapped.

  • one more

    I pulled my wife bleeding from the wrecked car, as she screamed and pleaded for me to let her have one more shot at parking it again.

  • holding

    Got a porno the other day, I put it in the DVD player but it was just a dark blurry picture of some guy holding his massive cock. Then I realised I hadn’t switched the TV on!

  • faster

    Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.

  • believing

    Insanity is believing your hallucinations are real.
    Religion is believing other people’s hallucinations are real.

  • wrong

    Hello sir, we’re from your internet provider. You’ve recently said that “homosexuality is wrong,” so we’ve blocked you from seeing lesbian porn.