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Jokes

  • I bet that the little Red Riding Hood was blond.

    I bet that the little Red Riding Hood was blond.

  • Over…

    After my girlfriends father died we decided to get married stood on his grave.
    Well he did say I could marry his daughter over his dead body.

  • Fantasy

    My husband asked me dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy…that we have Health Insurance!

  • for a minute

    “I’ve been cheating on you,” I said to my wife .
    She said, “Really? Honestly? You lousy bastard.”
    “And furthermore,” I said, “she says I am fucking amazing in bed.”
    “Fucking hell, Stu ,” she said. “You silly bastard, you had me going there for a minute as well.”

  • Coincidentally

    me: ladies first
    her: is that because you want to look at my ass?
    me: no, it’s because I’m a gentleman…… looking at your ass is completely coincidental

  • We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in…

    We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we’re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet

  • Good morning

    If you have to drink more than 3 cups of coffee in the morning, maybe you should switch to cocaine.

  • modes

    I seem to have two modes:
    Sleep is for the weak, and then sleep for a week.

  • Role play

    Me: Officer before you arrest me, can I use this get out of jail card?
    GF: This is why we don’t role play.

  • Make a wish

    It was my son’s birthday
    yesterday.
    I said to him last night,
    “Blow out the candles and make a wish.” He said, “I wish you got me a cake.”