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Jokes

  • Average

    A recent test showed that the average man burns off 125 calories after having sex for an hour…
    If he was having sex for an hour he is not an average man.

  • English

    “Mother! Don’t be so vulgar! I wasn’t “masturbatìng”. I was tentatively massaging the limb perpendicular to my torso while two appealing Homo sapiens of the female variety were physically engorging themselves on each others passion.”

    I knew that english degree was good for something

  • The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and…

    The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea and stomach pains.
    Kind of like when I see my wife on the computer and remember that I haven’t deleted the internet history.

  • Wrong button

    In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly.
    The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.

  • Selfie

    The only time I use the word “selfie”
    is when I am describing my sex life.

  • Listen

    The NSA
    The only part of the government that actually listens.

  • I have the worst luck in girlfriends.

    I have the worst luck in girlfriends. They always shout the wrong name in bed.
    When will women learn that my name is not God?

  • Forgive

    Today I went to confessional at my local church. I said to the priest: “forgive me father for I have sinned, it’s been six months since my last confession.”
    He asked what I would like to confess so I told him: “I’m going to bl@ckmail somebody father.”
    “Why?” He asked.Read More »Forgive

  • Lesbians can also take Viagra.

    Lesbians can also take Viagra.
    They don’t have to swallow it, they can just let it melt on their tongues.

  • Step by step

    Instructions for falling down stairs…
    Step 1

          Step 2

                  Step 4

                          Step 8