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No mercy
When a woman is mad for whatever reason at a man and she remains quiet for long periods of time, beware that she is simply plotting with Satan on a way to get back at said man.
Most of the time Satan is telling her to have mercy.
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French
When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word.
I’ll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.
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From her
My wife wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache…
I must have caught it from her last night when we didn’t have sex.
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Laughing
ME: I had a wet dream about you last night..
HIM: ooh what was it, do tell
ME: you got hit by a train, so I pissed myself laughing!
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Explaining
Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch.
I had to explain to him i was married now and that’s where i sleep.
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Terms
The bible is the longest set of Terms and Conditions ever.
So many people agree with it without knowing why.
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Nonsense
The Spice Girls showed us that women even when given the opportunity to tell us exactly what they want, what they really really want, will still say complete nonsense.
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Change
I have a confession to make, years ago I had a sex change, I went from having a lot of sex to having none…
it was called marriage.
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“If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is…
“If you win the lottery, the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job,” said my 35 year old wife as I was checking my ticket yesterday.
“Well, actually, the first thing I’m going to buy is a reconditioned engine and a new paint job for my car,” I replied.
“Why would you waste your money fixing that old thing up, you might as well get you a new one,” she laughed. “My point exactly.”
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Warning
Be wary if your girlfriend has a ‘”special romantic night” planned. You’ll burn yourself on at least one of the 30 odd fucking candles and be picking rose thorns from your arse for days.
Jokes
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