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Jokes

  • Just sayin’

    The phrase “until death do us part” was invented when the average lifespan was 35 years.

  • Neither me

    Cop: Sir, are you drunk?
    Me: No, occifer.
    Cop: Step out of the car and say the alphabet backwards, please.
    Me: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba
    Cop: I’m impressed, I couldn’t do that sober. Me: Me neither.

  • Empty is suspicious

    After clearing your browser history there should be a button that makes a new history filled with regular websites instead of having it be all empty

  • My opinion

    Opinions are like orgasms. Mine is the most important and I really couldn’t care less about yours.

  • Why do we call it “losing your virginity”?

    Why do we call it “losing your virginity”?
    Who loses it? Most of us don’t go looking for it after its gone.

  • Until

    You haven’t seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting

  • Never mind

    I had a dream I was swimming in chocolate, but when I woke up ……nevermind

  • Difference

    Women can use sex to get what they want.
    Men can’t because, well, what they want is sex.

  • I agree

    Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement.

    In the end, you’re just ignoring everything & click, “I agree.”

  • Fired

    It turns out that a monkey cannot in fact do my job, long story short, he got us both fired.