Skip to content

Jokes

  • There was a young man…

    There was a young manFrom Cork who got limericksand haiku’s confused

  • What did one lesbian vampire say to the other one?

    See you next period.

  • I was so close to winning lotto

    I had all the right numbers but they were in the wrong order.

  • I went to the store and bought naked juice, then called my dad

    “Dad, I got naked at the store!” I told him.“Son, your an idiot”

  • What did the shower say???

    Every naked person turns me on!

  • The date is August 6, 1945

    A Japanese man in Hiroshima starts wakes up in the morning before getting a seriously important job interview.He walks outside in his fancy suit to find that his car’s tire is deflated.”Oh man, this is so bad.” he says.He decides to run to work, and then gets mud splashed all over his suit.”Oh man, this is so bad.” he says.Already late to his job interview, he runs back home to see what else he can wear, to realize he’s been locked out of his house.”Oh man, this is so bad.” he says.Everything is going wrong, but this job is really needed, so he tries to climb his fence. He then rips his tie and suit on his fence, and then hurts himself climbing his fence.”Oh man, this is so bad.” he says.He realizes that everything is going bad, and he thinks to himself that nothing worse could possibly happen. He then looks up.

  • Bad Couriers

    I sent recently sent Reddit a joke about receiving parcels. Half of the viewers said they didn’t get it. Must’ve been a problem with the delivery.

  • 24 Hours to Live

    Barry returned from a doctor’s visit one day and told his wife Carol that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, “Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?” Carol agreed and again they made love.Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eights hours of life left. He touched Carol’s shoulder and said, “Darling please? Just one more time before I die?” She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.Barry, however, lay there awake and listened to the clock ticking in his head, tossing and turning until he was down to only four more hours.He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. “Darling, I only have four hours left! Could we…?”His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, “Listen, I’m not being funny Barry, but I have to get up in the morning and you don’t!

  • Meteorologist

    If you attacked a meteorologist with a lime green morph suit no one would realize what’s going on.

  • What do you call it when a chameleon can’t change colors?

    Reptile dysfunction