Skip to content

Jokes

  • What happens when a communist gets the flu?

    They sneeze (the means of production)

  • Ned and Fred, the Idiot Brothers…

    Ned & Fred were building a house. Ned was putting up siding. He would take a nail out of his pouch, inspect it, sometimes hammer it in, other times, toss it into the trash.Fred saw this, went over and said “What are you doing, tossing out perfectly good nails!?”Ned explained, “See this nail” taking one from his pouch and holding it up to the siding, “It’s perfect! ” and he hammers it into the siding.”However”, he says next, pulling another nail out and holds it up to the siding, “This nail has the pointy end on the wrong side! It won’t go in because it’s backwards!”.Fred, clearly irritated by his idiot brother explains, “Look, you moron, there is nothing wrong with those nails” pointing to the nails in the trash, “Those are for the other side of the house!”

  • I have a girlfriend,

    She just exists in the solution to x^2 +1=0

  • Will I likely pass this drug test because I take vyvanse for ADHD and the laws in Texas are stupid?

    I have a 9 panel urine test on December 29From August to November 10 I smoked from my pen almost dailyFrom November 11 to November 30 i smoked maybe 2-4 times a week, from a combination of pens and real weedI made two foolish decisions and smoked weed (not from a pen) on December 6 and December 7I exercise maybe 4 times a week and Ive gone most days since I smoked (I don’t usually run but instead lift weights tho). I’ve been going pretty much everyday since. I ran 3 miles today and that’s my plan from now until the 29th.I am 6’3, around 165 pounds with pretty low body fatWhat are my chances I can pass and any advice on how to increase my chances besides drinking water and exercising would be greatly appreciated. Also if I’m probably not gonna pass I’d like to know now so I can save up my vyvanse lmao

  • Is this good boi mini enough?

    r/vancouver•Posted byu/Therapy-Jackass6 months agoArchivedThis cute little guy at main Street car free day todayPhoto/Video
    373 points21 comments

  • Did y’all hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory?

    She kept throwing away all the Ws

  • looking for bizzaro hallmark christmas movies

    Looking for Hallmark style Christmas movies with a plot so bad or weird it’s good in a campy way. I saw one a couple years ago, that had a “Groundhog Day” reliving the same day plot that fits what I’m looking for.

  • I had to search for the Peloton ad everyone was talking about on YouTube

    Then I realized the ad was only targeting people who werent broke

  • I didn’t get a warranty on my air conditioner…

    But it would be cool if I did.

  • I once saw a group of dudes punching an old man, so I decided to help

    He never stood a chance against us