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Jokes

  • Dating sites are so dumb and a bad way to find someone to date.

    I know I sound like a boomer “oh technology” but I’m a huge supporter of social media to socialize except when it comes to dating apps. Dating apps are the worst. You’re specifically trying to force love, which is abnormally stupid and I cannot believe. Just because you “connect” and like the same things isn’t an indicator when you’re using a dating app. Love should be found through real life experience instead of putting up picture of you trying to look hot and seem like a rebel. Just seems like a stupid way to do it imo.

  • My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale from 1-10.

    Last night, we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That’s the best I’ve ever done.

  • Green Dragon Kicking My Ass

    I’ve tried several varieties of kratom. My favorite is green maeng da, which gives me a nice euphoria and calm feeling, excellent for anxiety without putting me to sleep.My local kratom bar was out of green maeng da, so I decided to try green dragon, and holy shit.I usually take at least 4 grams of green maeng da to get the feeling I like, and if I’ve been using a lot and my tolerance is high, I’ll take as much as 8 grams.But this green dragon has a strong effect at just half a gram. I took four grams once, and it hit me so hard that it wasn’t even pleasant.Is this an inherent difference between green maeng da and green dragon, or did I probably just get a strong batch by chance?

  • If the enemy attacks from the front, what will you do?

    General: If the enemy attacks from the front, what will you do?Me: I will defend against him!General: If the enemy attacks from the back, what will you do?Me: I will defend against him!General: If the enemy attacks from the left, what will you do?Me: I will defend against him!General: If the enemy attacks from the right, what will you do?Me: General, am I the only one defending this country?

  • Why Does The Origami Like to do Laundry?

    Because it likes folding.

  • The doctor told me I had only 2 years left to live.

    So I killed him and the judge gave me 40.

  • I heard a rumor that Epstein was hung like a horse

    But I’m pretty sure you would need more rope to hang a horse.

  • sally is on the swing

    sally falls of the swing because she has no arms knock knock who’s there not sally sally has a friend with no legs her names is eileen they go swimming in the ocean with their friend he has no arms and legs his name is bob when bob is at sally’s door they call him matt

  • The recent smart home device hackings convinced me to throw away my Roomba.

    It’s been collecting my dirt for years.

  • In medical school, I was told never to tell a person they have cancer right before they board a plane

    Nobody likes a terminal diagnosis.