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Jokes

  • An not at all crumby pun!

    What do you call a piece of bread that has genetic deficiencies after multiple generations of breeding?Inbread.

  • I had a kid in the back of a police car

    i named it nina

  • I’m cutting you off

    You’ve been bungee jumping too much

  • I built a house out of OXO cubes [OC]

    I built a house out of OXO cubes and lived in it for a few months. When I first started living in it I really hated it and wanted to move out. But then when I eventually did move out, I found myself missing it and really wanting to go back.I have Stockhome Syndrome.

  • What did one snowman say to the other while snacking?

    This carrot tastes like boogers.

  • TIFU by not knowing how to talk to sad people

    Warning, this isn’t a happy post this has a sort of good ending but it’s not happy also obligatory happened yesterday not today’sMy friend invited me to a party because it was to bring a date, so after school we went and it was going well until eventually she kinda started looking visibly sad funny thing is I’m really good at telling people’s emotions and having no idea how to deal with themSo I tried to just joke around and brush it off but eventually she broke down in front of me, everyone else was too loud and annoying to notice so I walked outside with her to find out she hasn’t been eating lately so I held her for a while and told her to wait a minute and I brought her some stuff to eat and asked her if she would be ok with just eating while I sat next to her and talked, idk I guess I thought she would be more comfortable with it, but it workedI feel like if I was a better communicator I could just help her better, but I’m shit soTL;DR by not knowing how to talk to sad people and having my anorexic friend break down in front of me.

  • Foucault: Schools serve the same social functions as prisons and hospitals

    Foucault’s mother: You’re still going.

  • What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?

    The polar bear.

  • Two old jews are sitting in a park and reading newspaper

    One of them notices that the other’s paper is from a really antisemite organization and basically a pure antisemitic propaganda”What the hell are you reading? Why don’t you read our jewish papers?””You see Chaim” the other man says calmly “When I read our newspapers all I see are pogroms, antisemitic hate crimes and it’s just depressing and scary, here on the other hand” he says while showing his friend the frontpage ” I’m apparently a masterminded banker, have millions in secret accounts and even rule the whole world!”

  • My girlfriend said we need to spend more quality time together.

    So I bought her a tea set and a koala and said wtf are we supposed to do now?