Jokes

A mom has a kid.One day, the dad is changing the diaper on the countertop.He finished, and left half of the shit on the counter.It turns out, the mom was making brownies.She grabbed what she thought was “Choc Paste” and cooked it.When they ate it, the dad’s eyes opened and jaw dropped. “These are shit!”

I just got these thoughts, coming up, on another night. Nowadays I do not trust myself, so I sleep with a knife. I cared about you, and I loved you and I was so fucking nice. But your heart just ended up just being cold like fucking ice.Maybe I’m just tripping, ima bout to take my life. Got dry tongue, empty head, and widespread sight of red. But I just hopped on this Gemini and popped another sprite. Until I rolled up and I could not see the fluorescent sunlight.I wasted all my time on you. You played with my emotions. Made me feel like I’m your world. But you were causing a commotion. Now my heart is broken into pieces, I can tell it hurts. When you try say sorry, I just notice, you swallow your words.It’s just so unfair, I cannot understand. I trusted all your fucking lies, but that’s just what you planned. Now every shadow in my room is now a hologram.

There are two islands out there where one is always one day ahead of the other but it is only a 15 minute boat ride to each island. So, if you stand on the later island and look at the one ahead of you on December 31st, don’t you have 2020 vision?