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Jokes

  • The President has been impeached.

    “But that doesn’t mean he’s removed office”But he probably doesn’t know that. He might pack up and leave tonight!

  • Trump was right he did win the popular vote

    At his impeachment trial

  • Who is Santa’s favourite singer?

    Elf-ish Presley

  • What do Mt Everest and The Sixth Sense have in common?

    Icy dead people.

  • Some people are so ignorant about anatomy.

    Just today I had to explain to someone that there is a vas deferens between a testicle and a penis.

  • What happens when you don’t pay an exorcist for an exorcism?

    You get repossessed!

  • Where do bees go to the bathroom?

    THE BP STATION!!!

  • Should anti-semitism include other ethnicities who are semitic?

    I don’t see why not, if Jewishness is an ethnicity then it would fall under “racism” but anti semitism refers to prejudice and hatred of Jewish people but I think it should apply to all semitic people, not just Jews. It should include Arabs in my opinion and Palestinians. There’s currently a lot of prejudice against arabs and Palestinians which escapes through the cracks because there is no term for hatred or prejudice against them.Plus there’s a tricky spot of Jews who have historically converted to Islam. Are we really going to deny their Jewish heritage because they’re Muslim?

  • Two senators are arguing about a healthcare bill

    Senator 1 says “The thing is, I don’t believe that we can vote for this bill if we aren’t consulted by a group of medical professionals”Senator 2 replied “You’ve got me there, but how are we going to ask all of these professionals for their opinions?”Senator 1 directed him to a machine which condense all of the opinions of the practitioners into one man, to which the other senator agreed to test out.They called for their first consultant, an amalgamation of all Neurologists. The consultant gave a long winded speech about every corner of his field, taking ten hours of the Senate’s time. He ended his speech by voting “nay” on the bill.The exhausted Senate immediately and unanimously voted to force the consultants to provide a ten word response that ended in their opinion. The consultants then began to come in with haste, though barely a dent was made in all of the fields. The vote was split exactly between passing and rejecting the bill. The senators decided to let one more consultant vote. They ushered in an amalgamation that was nearly identical to all of the previous ones.He said: “I, representing all of my respective practitioners, will vote-FUCK!”The senator requested that the Dentists please leave.

  • What kind of pencils do toilets use?

    Number 2 pencils