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Jokes

  • I just watched A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart.

    What he’s doing round my house I don’t know.


  • Little Johnny was annoying his mom so she sent him to the next house over where they were building a new house.

    She said, “Johnny go watch the men working and come back and tell me what you learned.”So Johnny went and watched the construction workers work all day and then he came home. Johnny’s mom asked him what he learned and he told her he learned how to put up a door. She asked him to tell her how and he said….“First you throw that son of a bitch up and of course the god damn architect didn’t size the frame right. So you shave off a cunt hair on the left and a cunt hair on the bottom and BAM it fits in like a whore in a brothel.”His mom proceeded to lose her mind and then sent him to his room to wait until his dad came home. His dad came home and asked Johnny what happened. Johnny explained to his dad that his mom sent him to the construction site and asked what he learned. Johnny’s dad asked what he learned and Johnny said he learned to put up a door. Perplexed, Johnny’s dad asked how you put up a door. Johnny said…“First you throw that son of a bitch up and of course the god damn architect didn’t size the frame right. So you shave off a cunt hair on the left and a cunt hair on the bottom and BAM it fits in like a whore in a brothel.”Johnny’s dad immediately lost his mind and said, “Johnny go out back and get me a switch!”Johnny replied, “Fuck you! That’s the electrician’s job!!!”


  • Why is Santa’s sack so big?

    He only comes once a yearSorry if this is a repeated joke- first time poster


  • A boy asks his dad to explain the solar eclipse,

    His father replies,‘No son’.


  • iSpoofer direct install link is back up

    https://www.ispoofer.com/ispoofer-for-pogo-installation/


  • What meals do you guys cook for yourselves/your families?

    So I’m a bachelor Arab who lives in Europe, I like to cook and I’ve been thinking of expanding my recipes, one thing I really want to do is to cook more Arab food so I turn to you guys for help.What do you guys cook that isnt unnecessarily long or hard to make and is tasty?I would like to eat more Arab food that doesn’t come from a resturaunt.Any help/advice would be appreciated!


  • Two cannibals are eating a clown..

    One turns to the other and says, does this taste funny to you?


  • Wait for it

    r/nextfuckinglevel•Posted byu/DiegoloXio2 days ago9Biggest hydrogen peroxide foam experiment ever!NEXT FUCKING LEVEL
    View CommentsPlay0:000:00SettingsFullscreen78.0k points3.1k comments


  • The waitress asked me if I was familiar with ”Farm to Table” dining.

    I told her I was more experienced with fast food and “Table to Toilet” dining.


  • Why did the grinch rob the liquor store?

    He was in need of some holiday spirit