0

@Rico

As a kid, you hate those moments where there is absolutly nothing to do…… as an adult, you live for them 😉

0

@bell doll

January 2015: this will be my year
December 2015: maybe not.

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@Master Splinter

When someone asks me “How’s it hanging?” I usually just show them.
I’m a busy guy, no time for chit-chat.

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@Majestic essence

Woman while dating:
Omg you are so funny.
Woman in a relationship:
is everything a fu*king joke to you !

0

@AznRayan

If you’re shopping with your wife and carry her purse, then you’re temporarily in possession of your testicles.

0

@Redneck DJ

If Santa keeps a record of all the “naughty” kids each “year” and the year doesn’t start until January 1st, that leaves the 6 days between Christmas Day and New Years as undocumented. Do what you want during that time.

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@Master Splinter

“Please, just let me finish.” I said to my wife during an argument last night.

“No I will NOT let you finish!” she yelled, pulling me off the prostitute.

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@Italian Stallion

We live in a society where sex with a child is wrong, yet totally socially acceptable to call the woman we are shagging “baby.”

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@cunning linguist

you know the sex is going to be memorable..when she starts streching first..

0

@Pete

I’m putting my selfie on top of the tree this Christmas because I’m the fucking star.