0

@NB

I hate when I drink milk straight from the carton and my wife gives me that look.
Relax, no one in this grocery store is even looking.

0

@aptain

If you trim your Christmas tree enough…

It’ll make your presents look a lot bigger.

0

@wicked

There’s a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don’t join.
But enough about the church..

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@Beel doll

Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. 

0

@T-Type

Things I hated as a child- spankings and naps.

Things I love as an adult- spankings and naps.

0

@husbandface

Friday is my anniversary, I’ll have been married for 35 years. Really it only 5 years, but I count in dog years because my wife is such a bitch.

0

@Rico

As a kid, you hate those moments where there is absolutly nothing to do…… as an adult, you live for them 😉

0

@bell doll

January 2015: this will be my year
December 2015: maybe not.

0

@Master Splinter

When someone asks me “How’s it hanging?” I usually just show them.
I’m a busy guy, no time for chit-chat.

0

@Majestic essence

Woman while dating:
Omg you are so funny.
Woman in a relationship:
is everything a fu*king joke to you !