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@pedrosjokes

My coworker saw me with a suitcase and said, “Where are you going?” And I said, “Colombia.” And she was like, “Bring me some tequila!” And I was like, “I’m going to bring you a map.”

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@Sean Patrick

I believe love is fluid. We accept that a mother can love all of her children with the same amount of love no matter how niapy children she has. I believe romantic love can be the same. I believe you can fully love and cherish more than one sexual partner. What I’m trying to say is, yeah, I’ll fuck somebody’s wife.

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@nutty squirrel

Doctor: I’ve found a new drug that will help with your sleeping problem.
Patient: Great! How often do I have to take it?
Doctor: Every two hours.

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@Jukebox

We had a test at Medical School this morning on premature ejaculation….

I came 1st 😊

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@Jokester

Wife: Are you at least going to take me out to dinner?
Me: I don’t go out with married women, sorry
Wife: I’m your wife!
Me: I make no exceptions
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JOKESTER

“Your underwear is too tight and very revealing” I said to my wife

She said, “Wear your own then dickhead” 🙄

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JOKESTER

Her: Do these jeans make my ass look big?
Me: Not at all. Your ass make those jeans look small.

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JOKESTER

“Oh fine, I’ll just have one bite”.

Narrator: ” He was, in fact, about to have more than just one bite. He was about to eat the whole fucking thing”.

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JOKESTER

Girlfriend: I’m going to leave you if you don’t stop wearing different clothes every hour.
Me: Wait pleeeease ‼‼ l can change.

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JOKESTER

“oh, and another thing”

~ women 3 days after the argument is over