What’s the difference between American beer and making love in a canoe?
None. Both are fucking close to water.
thefun
How does Pink order takeout?
I’m comin’ up so you better get this pad-thai started.
I love camping for one reason…
Because it’s in tents
Why did Watson go to Los Angeles for his next case?
Because he was told that’s where he can find Holmes.
Two Hobos
Two hobos were walking down the tracks. They encounter a mangy old dog sitting in the middle of the tracks, contorted into that weird position… Read More »Two Hobos
My kids asked, what was it like living in 60’s
So I took their phones and hid the modem
What’s the great thing about Ohio women?
They’re high in the middle and round on both ends.
I hear you, brother
– Pity me sir, I have a wife and six children, said the beggar.The gentleman replied: – Dear fellow! Accept my heartfelt sympathy, so have… Read More »I hear you, brother
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, he won’t come to you anyway.
docter joke
Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.He says “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”“Is it common?” I asked.“It’s not unusual” he… Read More »docter joke
Some girl has stolen my phone and clicked naked selfies.My cloud is full of them now. Somebody help me find her
I need to give her a charger too.
Why did Nivea Cream?
…because Max Factor
My wife got hurt bumping into the sofa…
I called her an ouch potato.
Planes never seem to land happily,
They’re always a touch down
What’s the difference between the red hot chilli peppers and Harriet Tubman?
Harriet Tubman was a heroine to slaves…
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking
I was driving down the road yesterday and was almost hit
By a storm trooper.
What’s 72?
69 with 3 people watching.
Why are french ducks so sexy?
They have a certain ‘Je ne sais quack’
My girlfriend’s roommate wouldn’t let me redo their bathroom tiles.
What a caulk block.
A foolish Dutchman
What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?One is a hollow cylinderand the other a silly Hollander.
Shaggy as part of the Gestapo
Like Fred man, I’m trying to look for Jews
Boudreaux and the parrot (LONG)
Boudreaux walked past a pet shop every day on his way to work. He saw this nice looking parrot and decided to ask the shop… Read More »Boudreaux and the parrot (LONG)
Celibacy and atheism are quite similar.
One is avoiding sex, and the other is avoiding sects.
What is the difference between light and hard?
A man can get to sleep with the light on.
How do you solve for x?
You dont have to cause x gonn give it to ya!
“And that’s why I became a pilot, to get over my fear.”
“Heights?”“No, dying alone.”
Why can Einstein rank only 2nd among all physics?
Newton’s first law
I asked my girlfriend if she would like to go out with her friends on Saturday to get a couple of pairs of new shoes, get your hair done in a different style, then go out for a couple of rounds of Chardonnay.
“That sounds great!”“Good, because we are breaking up.”-Jimmy Carr
If you ever feel annoyed because your birthday’s on Christmas so you don’t get as many presents…
just imagine how Jesus must feel.