My grandpa: u don’t need fancy stuff u need a dumb flip phone
Me:……..OK BOOMER
Old Age Jokes
Old age jokes for anyone who is not as young as they used to be, and proud of it. From creaky knees and forgotten names to the wisdom that only comes with grey hair, these funny getting-old jokes celebrate every wrinkle. Age is just a number, and these jokes are timeless.
A man with window cleaning gear knocks at the door.
An elderly woman opens.”Did you order window cleaning service?””Yes. Come on in!”A few minutes later a man with window cleaning gear knocks at the door.”Good… Read More »A man with window cleaning gear knocks at the door.
An old, beat up sedan rear-ends a shiny, sleek coupe.
The sedan’s owner, an old man, gets out and shuffles to the front of his sedan to examine the damage. A younger couple rushes out… Read More »An old, beat up sedan rear-ends a shiny, sleek coupe.
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he’s hopelessly lost.
It’s been nearly three weeks since he’s eaten anything besides what he couldforage and he’s been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.One afternoon… Read More »A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he’s hopelessly lost.
Why did the Old man fall into a well ?
Because he couldn’t see that well
Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.
Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?!Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook &… Read More »Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.
Old man
An 80 year old man gets a letter from the IRS saying to call their office as soon as possible. The old man picked up… Read More »Old man
Little John
Little John will have visits in her home. So, the mother tell him: -“Little John, this night we will receive visits. Please, whatever it happens… Read More »Little John
Two old women sat on a park bench.
A man in a trench coat approached and flashed them. One old woman immediately had a stroke. The other old woman, couldn’t reach.
A son asks his father what is the meaning of “in practice” and “in theory”
“Il show you son. Call your sister.” Says the father”Daughter would you sleep with a man for a million dollars?” Asks the father”Yes of course,… Read More »A son asks his father what is the meaning of “in practice” and “in theory”
My grandpa had a glass eye.
It scared the crap out of me as a kid. When he babysat me he would take his glass eye out and put on an… Read More »My grandpa had a glass eye.
The old man and the bear.
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them… Read More »The old man and the bear.
I once saw a group of dudes punching an old man, so I decided to help
He never stood a chance against us
Elephant Hunting
My grandfather would tell me stories of how they caught elephants with only a few peanuts… They would dig a deep hole and burn a… Read More »Elephant Hunting
The Magical Elevator
A 12-year-old boy and his father were new to the Western World and entered a shopping mall for the first time.The boy was amazed by… Read More »The Magical Elevator
When I die, I’d like to go in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming like the other 4 people in the car.
Bang bang
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. The 80-year-old says, “I’ve never felt better.… Read More »Bang bang
One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies.
One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies. In the kitchen he runs into his grandpa who is drinking some whiskey. He asks “What’s that grandpa, can I have some?”
In response grandpa asks “I don’t know, can you touch your dick to your asshole?”
Taken aback the boy says “no” “Well when you can touch your dick to your asshole, come back here and I’ll share my whiskey with you.” Slightly offended Read More »One day a young boy is going into the kitchen to get some cookies.
how I met your mother
The year is 2030. Ted Mosby is 52 years old, still sad and alone, while all his friends are married. He goes to a strip… Read More »how I met your mother
fairtyle
I had a fairytale childhood. My Grandma was eaten by a wolf.
dates
WHITE WOMEN First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out. Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Read More »dates
pride
I was sitting in a room with my Aunts, uncles and cousins I looked over at my grandmother who had the biggest smile on her… Read More »pride
Diet Tip: Don’t visit your grandmother.
Diet Tip: Don’t visit your grandmother.
eating my popcorn
A farmer and a pet rooster went everywhere together. One day they went to a movie and as the farmer got close to the ticket… Read More »eating my popcorn
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices.
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in… Read More »The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices.
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