Fair warning before you scroll: these are the rude ones. Twelve short dirty jokes, picked by hand from thousands on TheFun.Net, all of them quick and none of them suitable for the office. If you would rather keep it clean, we have 31 short jokes and 50 one-liners that you can safely read out loud.
Short Dirty Jokes About Sex and Relationships
1. Half of relationships end because of bad sex. Mine, however, ended because of good sex. With another woman.
2. On our first date. Her: I really like men who plan ahead. Me: That is why I drank two litres of pineapple juice today.
3. Eat your dinner, there are people starving in Africa, said my wife. I replied: let us have sex then, because there are lonely men basically everywhere.
4. With a sexy smile she said to me: kiss me where the sun does not shine. So I booked us two tickets for a December holiday in northern Norway.
5. When someone says it is better than sex, they have not been having the right kind of sex.
6. My breakup was so bad that I decided to post some revenge pictures. They were naked pictures of myself, to show how low my ex-partner’s standards were.
7. Boobs are nature’s anti-stress balls. Unfortunately they are attached to the number one leading cause of stress.
Rude One-Liners
8. Popeye was a lonely sailor. No wonder he had such big forearms.
9. Nudist beaches are great. The only problem is the quality control.
10. Opinions are like orgasms. Mine is the most important and I really could not care less about yours.
11. Teacher: your daughter said the F word in class. Me: Well, she did not learn it from me.
12. All porn films should start with five seconds of music, to remind me that my volume is turned up.
Where to Find More
Twelve is barely a warm-up. The dirty jokes category has over four hundred more, and the marriage jokes and bar jokes sections are not exactly shy either.
If you have had enough of the rude stuff, the 31 short jokes and the 50 best one-liners are clean enough for the family dinner table.