I had the awkward moment the other day, where my dad decided to come up to me, and said “Son, we need to talk.” Now when he said this, I thought, oh great, here comes the sex talk.
But it wasn’t, it was the shaving talk. Now you’re probably thinking that it can’t be that bad. It is when he doesnt tell you its the shaving talk, and you still think its the sex talk. Imagine this from my point of view. “Now son, there comes a special time in every mans life, you may have already started doing it, I doubt it, I can tell from your face.” Oh you little cunt. “Now the first time you do, you’re gonna be clumsy, you’re not gonna know what to do, you’re gonna do some things wrong. There may be a little bit of blood, don’t worry, your Mum can show you a neat trick with a piece of rolled up toilet paper. She makes me do it twice before we go and see her parents, it’s just time consuming. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever tried finishing yourself off in the car, it’s very difficult. Your brother doesn’t have a steady hand, it’s just horrid. So I just went back to the good old days, doing it myself, manually, in the shower.” And that was when I passed out. When I came to, my Mum was there, moping my brow, and she said, “Don’t worry son, the first time you do it, I’ll be there looking over your shoulder. Stroke by stroke.”