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If i ate..

if-i-ate

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So do I

When Victoria Secrets commercials come on tv.
So do I.

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SCORE

I heard some girl having sex moans through my window. in my best mortal kombat voice i could. I yelled FINISH HER!!! I heard alot of laughing.

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really good..

Either my boyfriend has early signs of Parkinson’s or I just gave him a really good blow-job.

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i can explain

I lost my phone, so if you find it I can explain the pictures.
I suspected my hamster had hypothermia so I needed to stick him somewhere warm, quickly.

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best friend

A friend will share their lunch.
A good friend will buy you lunch.
A best friend will eat your lunch

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Some advice:

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut after.

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start

I’m about to start my work, but first let me disamble my stapler and name and polish every part.

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not in a mood

I had to laugh last night when my boyfriend said he wasn’t in the mood for sex.

As if it’s an option.

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wondering

Sometimes I stay awake wondering if there’s a number between 1 and 10 that thinks of me too.