0

A dick is like cement…Wet it, and it gets hard.

0

home alone

I’ve been on vacation all week, with the house to myself. I think my penis just filled a restraining order against my hand.

0

mall

I just realized why they call it “The mall”.
Instead of going to one store just go to “them all”
Them all =The Mall.
Clever.

0

side effects

Why are there never any good side effects? Just once… I’d like to read a prescription bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”

0

i was planned

triznaci

0

angry taxpayers

angrytaxpayers

0

respond

Life turns to death and asks “Why do people love me and hate you?” Death slowly responds “This is a joke site, stop posting meaningless sentimental bullshit, asshole”

0

Instead of calling it “real life” we should just call it “offline”

0

trip to Ireland

I’m planning a trip to Ireland next month. I’m going to rent a car and tour the country. So I’ve been practicing driving on the wrong side of the road while intoxicated ….

That’s a legitimate excuse officer.

0

I’ve just accidentally discovered an amazing product by simply miss reading a sentence, instead of reading:
“Birth control pills”
I read:
“Bitch control pills”