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A daughter asked her dad,”dad, there is something that my boyfriend said to me that I don’t understand.He said that I have a beautiful chassis, two lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper. ”
The dad says, ”you tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and pulls out his dipstick to check the oil, I will give him such a service that his motor will cease and his exhaust will fall off.”

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8

My laziness is exactly as the number 8. If it lays down, it becomes infinite.

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lying

If anyone ever tells you they’ve lost their voice,
They’re lying.

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If i ate..

if-i-ate

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So do I

When Victoria Secrets commercials come on tv.
So do I.

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SCORE

I heard some girl having sex moans through my window. in my best mortal kombat voice i could. I yelled FINISH HER!!! I heard alot of laughing.

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really good..

Either my boyfriend has early signs of Parkinson’s or I just gave him a really good blow-job.

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i can explain

I lost my phone, so if you find it I can explain the pictures.
I suspected my hamster had hypothermia so I needed to stick him somewhere warm, quickly.

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best friend

A friend will share their lunch.
A good friend will buy you lunch.
A best friend will eat your lunch

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Some advice:

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut after.