0

long time to finish

Having sex with a condom is a lot like eating Cheerios with chopsticks. I’m still going to enjoy it but its going to take me a really long time to finish.

0

your life/wife

One million copies of a new book sold in just 2 days due to typing error of one alphabet in title “An idea, that can change your wife’..

0

delete history

I wish my computer would stop asking me stupid questions. Of course I’m sure I want to clear my browser history.

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drunk forever

Kid:Daddy why did you and mommy divorce?
Dad:Well your mother couldn’t keep me drunk forever…

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right arm

Girl: Do you play tennis?
Me: Why?
Girl: Well, your right arm seems a lot more firm than your left.
Me: Yeah I play tennis

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tip

My wife told me to leave a tip for our waitress. “OK” I said, motioning to the waitress, “don’t ever get married”

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android

“yea you can use my charger, mine is full” -no Android user ever

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last meal

I’m having a relaxing bath and I think my girlfriend is making me a sandwich! YES! I assume anyways since she’s bringing the toaster into the bathroom.

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NO

*Drives into drive-thru*
May I take your order?
No.
*Drives away.*

0

stupid

I was painting my room with my brother when I realised.
he’s not a very good brush.