Every dad has a secret mission: to make his children roll their eyes at least once a day. These 100 dad jokes are his ammunition. We hand-picked them from the thousands of gags in TheFun.Net’s One-Liners category, keeping only the true classics: terrible puns, cheeky wordplay and riddles with answers so corny they could be harvested. All of them are clean and family friendly. If you prefer your humour a little sharper, try our 50 best one-liners.
Jump to: Classic Dad Jokes and Groan-Worthy Puns · Funny Dad Jokes About Dads and Kids · Food Puns and Corny Jokes About Eating · Animal Puns and Corny Jokes About Creatures · Science and Maths Puns for Nerdy Dads · Work and Job Puns Every Dad Loves · Q and A Dad Jokes and Pun Riddles for Kids
Classic Dad Jokes and Groan-Worthy Puns
1. Do you want to see my belt made of watches? Never mind, it would be a waist of time.
2. I’ve got a joke about paper. It’s tearable.
3. I love camping for one reason: it’s in tents.
4. I was thinking of a colour that doesn’t exist, but then I realised it was just a pigment of my imagination.
5. I’ve just learned how to pick locks. It’s opened so many doors for me.
6. I told my friends ten puns to try to make them laugh. But no pun in ten did.
7. I’ve just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
8. My favourite word is “drool”. It just rolls off the tongue.
9. I can cut down a tree just by looking at it. It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
10. The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy. Therefore, it’s simply italicised.
11. I, for one, love Roman numerals.
12. A burglar stole all of my lamps. I should be upset, but right now I’m delighted.
13. “I’m going undercover” is such a blanket statement. Besides, you should be keeping that under wraps.
14. Will glass coffins ever become popular? Remains to be seen.
15. It’s hard to tell puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things literally.
16. Why don’t people want to play board games made in Thailand? Because it’s always a Thai game.
17. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
18. No one knows what propaganda means any more. It’s when a British person takes a really good look at something.
19. Why did Dr Watson go to Los Angeles for his next case? Because he was told that’s where he’d find Holmes.
20. What’s the difference between a lightsaber and trousers with insults written on them? One is disarming, the other is diss leggings.
21. Why did Joseph Stalin only ever write in lower case? He hated capitalism.
22. What do you call a Russian Lego brick? The Soviet Bloc.
23. If you’re ever looking for a swamp to live in, make sure you’ve got the right bayou right by you.
24. What does a nihilist say before he dies? Well, here goes nothing.
Funny Dad Jokes About Dads and Kids
25. What did the TV say to the other TV? Hisense, I’m Dad.
26. A boy asks his dad to explain the solar eclipse. His father replies, “No, son.”
27. Telling dad jokes when you don’t have kids? That’s a faux pa.
28. Why do dads always take so many photos? Because they’re your pa-parazzi.
29. What’s the difference between a jacket and a jumper? A jacket is something you wear when you’re cold. A jumper is what you wear when your mum is cold.
30. My son handed in his art assignment and his teacher said, “Bobby, there’s nothing on this page!” He replied, “Yes there is, I drew a blank.”
31. How does Obi-Wan Kenobi punish his kids? He high-grounds them.
32. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too young to smoke.
33. Son: Dad, what was George Washington Carver best known for?
Dad: Carving Mount Rushmore?
Food Puns and Corny Jokes About Eating
34. I always cook with vegetable oil. It was a Wesson I learned long ago.
35. Why did the peanut butter sandwich do star jumps? He was feeling chunky.
36. My friend was itching for a pie, so I told him to make one from scratch.
37. A man asked a chocolate maker, “Are you a magician?” The chocolate maker said, “No, but I’ve got a couple of Twix up my sleeve.”
38. Why did the pawn shop buy the oldest piece of chewing gum in the world? Because it was in mint condition.
39. My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
40. What did the melon say to his daughter when he caught her running off with her boyfriend? You’re too young, you cantaloupe!
41. Why are there so many tailors in France? Because that’s where the pro fitter roles are.
42. Oktoberfest really brings out the wurst in people.
43. To kill a French vampire, you need to drive a baguette through its heart. It sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
44. Flour, salt and butter go to a dance. Butter sees flour and salt dancing in the corner, walks over and asks, “Can I cut in?”
45. Why can’t a vegetarian sushi roll be a musician? It doesn’t have a tuna.
46. Poor seaweed. It wanted to read, but nori, no write.
47. A shopper asks, “Are those aubergines genetically modified?” The shop assistant says, “Why do you ask?” And the aubergine says, “Yeah, why do you ask?”
48. What’s the difference between a fish and a piano? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
49. I explained my design for a solar kettle made of dough to my friend Remi: “Dough, Remi. For solar tea. Dough.”
50. Poor Mr Vinegar can’t catch a break. Every time he turns around, he’s in a pickle.
Animal Puns and Corny Jokes About Creatures
51. What’s a goat’s favourite song? “Baaad Guy” by Billie Eilish.
52. Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do for the poor guy.
53. A caveman saw a pterodactyl for the first time and shouted, “Look at that dino soar!”
54. What does a chatty caterpillar become? A social butterfly.
55. Ten chimpanzees are standing in a line. The 2nd, 3rd, 5th and 7th are asked to step forward. They are the prime apes.
56. What do rhinoceroses have that no other animal has? Baby rhinoceroses.
57. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
58. Why are pigs so smooth? They use oinkment.
Science and Maths Puns for Nerdy Dads
59. Why will Einstein always rank second among physicists? Newton’s first law.
60. What’s heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? Water, because butane is a lighter fluid.
61. Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? The opposite of right.
62. 1, 3, 5, 7, 9. Because I just can’t even.
63. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the Moon? The food is great, but there’s no atmosphere.
64. Flat-earthers used to believe the Earth was round, but since then they’ve really ironed out their theory.
65. Next year I’m moving to Greenwich. I don’t know what I’m going to do in the mean time.
66. My girlfriend is the square root of -100: a solid 10, but also imaginary.
67. I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg!
68. What’s a Tesla coil’s favourite author? Nikola Sparks.
Work and Job Puns Every Dad Loves
69. I’m quite scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer. I gave them my too-weak notice.
70. Judge: I order you to pay $10,000.
Mario: Why?
Judge: It’s a fine.
Mario: No, it’s-a not.
71. Telemarketing isn’t a profession. It’s a calling.
72. I couldn’t believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
73. Why did the electrician punch a hole in the wall? He needed an outlet.
74. My mum just got a new sewing machine. Needles to say, she was satisfied.
75. It’s hard to get a date with a librarian. They’re always booked.
76. What did the band director say to his students? This room is for staff only.
77. Why did the waiter’s computer system stop working? A server error.
78. Barber: Mr Bond, you’re turning grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?
James Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.
79. Take my advice and invest in real estate. Get a lot while you’re young.
80. How do you know there’s a drummer at the door? Three knocks, and he comes in late.
81. How do you pay a waiter who is a letter of the alphabet? With a Q-tip.
Q and A Dad Jokes and Pun Riddles for Kids
82. Why don’t Swiss cars have brakes? Because they’re always in neutral.
83. How does a burglar get into a house? Intruder window.
84. Why was the clock on the pillow? Someone hit the snooze button!
85. Why do golfers always bring two pairs of trousers? In case they get a hole in one.
86. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
87. Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
88. Why were there never any pirates with two eye patches? Because they couldn’t sea.
89. Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own? Because it’s two tyred.
90. What do Mount Everest and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
91. Why did the old man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
92. Why did the pirate take so long to learn the alphabet? Because he spent years at C.
93. Why is the mail so popular? Because it’s outgoing.
94. Have you heard the one about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
95. Why did the journalist go to the ice-cream parlour? To get the scoop.
96. Why didn’t Pinocchio have many friends? Because he wasn’t poplar.
97. How do you discipline a stone? You make it hit rock bottom.
98. Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on its ships? So when they come back into port, they can Scandinavian.
99. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
100. Which Witcher character knows the answer to every quiz question? Geralt of Trivia.
Frequently Asked Questions
What makes a joke a dad joke?
A dad joke is a short, clean joke built on a pun or a play on words, usually delivered with total confidence and followed by a proud pause. The punchline is so obvious or so silly that the listener groans instead of laughing, and that groan is exactly the reaction the teller wanted. Think of it as wordplay with a wink.
What is the best dad joke of all time?
Every family has its favourite, but a strong candidate is the boy who asks his dad to explain the solar eclipse and hears: No, son. Another classic is the TV that greets the other TV with: Hisense, I’m Dad. Both work because a single pun turns an ordinary sentence upside down.
Are these dad jokes suitable for kids?
Yes. Every joke on this page was chosen to be clean and family friendly, with no swearing and nothing rude. Kids usually enjoy the question and answer riddles and the animal puns most, and many of them quickly start telling the jokes back to their parents, which is how a new generation of dad jokers is born.
How do you tell a dad joke properly?
Keep a straight face, deliver the set-up as if it were serious information and pause for a second before the punchline. Do not explain the pun, ever. When the groans arrive, look pleased with yourself. Repeating the same joke at the next family meal is optional, but it is considered part of the tradition.
Where to Find More
Want more groans? Explore the full One-Liners category, browse our big list of 300 short jokes and one-liners, find a pun for every pet in our funny animal jokes, or get the family laughing in December with our Christmas jokes. TheFun.Net has been collecting jokes since 2008, and new ones are added every week.