Remember to take a pair of scissors when going to the supermarket
So you can cut the line.
One-Liners
The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.
The first thing you have to learn before squatting at the gym…
… is to set up a bar in Iraq.
I like my coffee like I like my women
Without a penis.
Guy 1: what will I be doing next year?
Guy 2: I dunno, I don’t have 2020 vision
Why is the ground so hard?
Because it’s a snow penis.-My cousins 8 year old son
I like my coffee how I like my women…
Cold and bitter.
My wife asked me today if I was still talking my fiber supplements.
I said I wasn’t being very regular about it.
My mother just got a sewing machine
Needles to say, she was sattisfied
I hate these double standards.
if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re “doing a good job” if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”
What’s the difference between a baby and a boomerang?
When you throw a boomerang off a cliff it comes back to you