A man died and went to heaven. A few days later his wife died and she also went to heaven. She saw him there and ran to him with tears of joy in her eyes. He saw her running to him and immediately said “Whoa whoa whoa……the contract said till death do us part!”
Category: Fun jokes
@ChrisNewton
Apparently having sex constantly helps the memory.. Happy Christmas everybody..
@noonespecial
I hate it someone says “Get a job doing what you love”. Who is gonna pay me to chug Vodka and and act like an asshole all day!!
@gameboy
what if Noah made a website? He would call it Waterbnb
@Even_Appointment_549
You always claim Germans don’t have humour, but we have. It’s just like healthcare. Most Americans don’t get it.
@BenGossling
Yesterday I was diagnosed as a kleptomaniac I’m taking something for it three times a day.
@girl_InTheSwing
My girlfriend said “Don’t talk about sex until we’re married” Now we’re married she says “you can TALK about sex all you want..”
@AdeptLengthiness8886
Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck. Got up to check, but the mirror wasn’t working.
After so many years..
A guy asks his girlfriend for a blowjob. She says “No, you won’t respect me enough to marry me and I love you.” After they’re married he asks her again, she says “Not yet, you won’t want to have children with a woman who you don’t respect.” So after they have children he asks her…
@ChrisNewton
I got home from the pub about midnight Sunday. The wife was sat in the armchair, crying her eyes out in the dark. I could see that some heartless bastard had upset her, but i knew it wasn’t me. I haven’t been home since Thursday.