One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

Fantasy

My husband asked me dress up as a nurse tonight to fulfill his fantasy…that we have Health Insurance!

If you have to drink more than 3 cups of coffee in the morning, maybe you should switch to cocaine.

wine is like a laxative for feelings

If someone needs to watch a flight attendant demonstrate how to fasten a seatbelt, is their life really worth saving?

I hate how Monday is so far away from Friday but then Friday is so close to monday.

Having sex without taking your clothes off is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.

I’m not particularly bad at cooking, but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster?

last year I joined a support for antisocial people, We haven’t met yet.

When people ask me what my best qualities are, I always tell them my second best quality is being mysterious.

Multiple personalities……because you never know when you’ll need backup.