One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

Happy Birthday…

Nothing more awkward than singing happy birthday to a person whose name you don’t know.

The inventor of the snooze button has died. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 6:00, 6:09, 6:18, 6:27, and 6:36.

i pretend to be a plastic surgeon to talk girls into showing me their breast. some call it fraud I call it maNIPPLEation

It’s illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack it.

I love how we call it “social media” when 75% of us are either alone in our homes or on the toilet.

She used Vaseline to give me a hand job and I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.

life is not a fairy tale. if you lose a shoe at midnight, you are drunk.

If her bra and panties match when you take off her clothes, it wasn’t you who decided to have sex.

I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast

I bet that the little Red Riding Hood was blond.