One-Liners

The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.

Do it

The old saying is that if you want something done right, do it yourself. This shouldn’t apply to sex.

Just my luck — judging by the itching and the rash, I think I’m allergic to prostitutes…

Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.

I’ve been hiding from exercise….I’m in the fitness protection program.

I’m taking the Highway to Hell because I am far too lazy to climb the Stairway to Heaven.

Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

Sometimes it physically hurts to hold back a sarcastic comment.

The L in my luck has been replaced with F.

I finally shifted 140 lbs of ugly fat I gained over Christmas…..the mother in law went home this morning

I’ve just decided that my 2014 New Year’s resolution is not to leave things to the last minute.