What is the difference between light and hard?
A man can get to sleep with the light on.
One-Liners
The best one-liner jokes: short, clever and funny in a single sentence. Quick laughs you can read and share in seconds.
How do you solve for x?
You dont have to cause x gonn give it to ya!
“And that’s why I became a pilot, to get over my fear.”
“Heights?”“No, dying alone.”
Why can Einstein rank only 2nd among all physics?
Newton’s first law
I asked my girlfriend if she would like to go out with her friends on Saturday to get a couple of pairs of new shoes, get your hair done in a different style, then go out for a couple of rounds of Chardonnay.
“That sounds great!”“Good, because we are breaking up.”-Jimmy Carr
If you ever feel annoyed because your birthday’s on Christmas so you don’t get as many presents…
just imagine how Jesus must feel.
You know that feeling when an old flame contacts you out of the blue to tell you that you’re a father?
Because it’s rapidly becoming apparent to me.
Someone has their house be robbed in Russia
The house owner says “Damn you, this is MY property!” The robber responds “No. This is OUR property”.
Why do you have to break up with your japanese gf twice?
Because you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
What do you get when your cross an elephant with a rhino?
Hell if I know!