Fun jokes

What’s the smartest thing about people? their phones

Putin visits Ukraine Immigration officer says: “Name?”. – “Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin”. “Address?” – “Kremlin, Moscow, Russia”. “Occupation?” – “No, probably next year”.

I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife, but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.

This year, my New Years resolution is to finally go to the gym… … and cancel that membership I’m been wasting money on every month… Read More »Cancel

My new year’s resolution is I’m going to be less condescending. And by the way, condescending means talking down to people.

The three life stages of sex Age 18-35: Tri-Weekly Age 35-60: Try Weekly Age 60-90: Try Weakly

My GF says she was born by Cesarean section. I always wondered why she left my car through the sunroof.

My New Year’s Resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.… Read More »

My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub So I’ve started smoking.

My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed,… Read More »Got knocked up the ladder to success