Fun jokes

A couple have just had a baby

They go to the doctor to have the baby checked up.Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.Dad: what’s the good news please.Doctor: your son can park wherever he wants.

Three people are stranded on an island with a wizard

The wizard tells them “When you climb those trees,whatever you ask for will be at the top waiting for you.” The first guy climbs and yells “Money!” and he becomes rich. The second guy yells “A boat full of money!”,and he uses the boat to leave the island The third guy climbs the tree and says “Shit! I don’t know what to ask for”

My mother just got a sewing machine

Needles to say, she was sattisfied

A boy and a girl were best friends since they were kids

They used to play with wooden toy pirates after school, using ventilation shafts in each others’ houses as their place to get away from their family issues.They used to play in these tunnels for years, until eventually they grew too old for this. However, they still stayed friends, and after a few more years started dating.One night, they went to bed together, and the girl was surprised at how good the boy was in bed, so she asked him how.He responded: “Well, after years of playing with wooden seamen, I can found my way around the shafts pretty well.”

People can be so thoughtless; it’s better to be quiet and not say anything.

So, I’m at the doctors and this person sits next to me and says:”why so glum chum”? Told him to fuck up and went and sat on the other side of the room. People can say the most insensitive things before thinking. Normally they come from people who don’t have or understand depression. His comment made me feel worse and now I just don’t want to go out again. Please be careful what you say to someone who has depression. Think before you speak or just don’t say anything. Now I’m suicidal again.

I hate these double standards.

if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re “doing a good job” if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

Dealing with a contradiction in a character

I have this one character that supposed to represent two things: Old Money coming with a prestigious name and the self-made man who reach success all by himself. As you can see, there is a contradiction there, so I came with this idea to keep both these things:-His family was rich for generations but when he took over the family business, their company reached a level of success never seemed before.I fear this idea to be far-fetched, the reader might perceive it as “Okay, so he was a rich guy who just sat down and gained a lot of money after his parents died, now he’s even richer because his parents provided to him the right education to use his money, where is the merit?”. I have two main characters, they came from a lower-middle-class and their opinion of this character is a key element for this story, one finds him to be just another rich asshole who was Lucky enough to be born in the right family, the other admires him and wants to be just like him because he perceives him to be a self-made man just like he dreams to become.This also creates another problem, his son supposed to be a reckless playboy with no idea how to handle money whose ways ended up being the failure of his father. In my earlier versions, the father was truly a self-made man coming from a regular middle-class family, so would make sense for him to be too busy on his job and not teaching well his son but he comes from a traditional aristocratic-ish family that for generations thought their children how to administrate business his son being a stupid playboy would come as unlikely.Success, richness, and realizations are central themes in my story so I need to handle them well and I’m unsure about this point of the story, any advice?

What’s the difference between a baby and a boomerang?

When you throw a boomerang off a cliff it comes back to you

Since nobody posted it here, Mikel arteta is the new manager for Arsenal.

A guy is driving past the White House….

…and he sees that the road is blocked, but they are letting cars through one at a time. There are crowds on the sidewalk, shouting, but he can’t hear what’s being said.Finally he gets to the roadblock, and rolls down his window. “What’s going on?” he asks.”Donald Trump has had a meltdown over this impeachment thing, and he’s on the front lawn of the White House threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself ablaze unless the American public shows their support by donating to the GOP. So we’re taking up a collection.””How much have you collected so far?””About thirty gallons.”