Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.My mom: USE A FUCKING COASTER
Fun jokes
What’s the difference between a gross bus station and a lobster with big boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and one is a busty crustacean.
Reporter to the world’s first trillionaire: “Sir, what are you going to do with all that money?”.
“I can buy a chicken and some bread now!”, says Abou, while walking out of his bank in Zimbabwe
Which Witcher character knows the answers to all quiz questions?
Geralt of Trivia
I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come…
Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He’s a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock…
Who’s there?Cows go.Cows go who?No idiot… Cows go moo!
Last night i used Vaseline with my wife and came 10 times
Once with her and 9 in the shower trying to wash it off
I gave my daughter a watch for Christmas. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, “That’s a pretty watch you’ve got there! Does it tell you the time?”
She laughed and said, “No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!”
Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they make the toys.