waiting game
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.
thefun
no caffeine
Drinking coffee with no caffeine is like masturbating with a condom on.
fingers
My wife was complaining that I never lift a finger around the house. So I did, The middle one.
viagraccino
Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you’re up all night.
prood
Oh,you want proof that prayer doesn’t work? just look at the middle east
hormonika
Q: Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone? A: He was too busy playing the hormonica
applause
If you like to listen to music while having sex. Play a live album. That way you get an applause every 4 minutes.
suffer
Ladies! Men don’t suffer from premature ejaculation. You do.
pervs
Logic: 1.The Government can access any personal info sent over smartphones. 2.Teenagers send each other nudes. 3. The Government is full of giant pervs.
chances
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. …Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.