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anything

Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says “if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new….”

“anything” doesn’t include getting stuck in traffic.

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ears

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. More →

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wtf

If I was a black girl, I’d go to a tanning salon just so I could burst out the front door looking at my arms and screaming “WHAT THE FUCK!

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solver

When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem Solver.

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hug

To those who say love is more important than money…
Have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? 

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hell

In hell, everyone can see your Google search history.

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almost cooking

The recipe might be easy, but a reservation is easier.

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to do

The Pink Panther’s To Do list:
– To do
– To do
– To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

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not miracle

“MOM I HAVE GOOD NEWS!
“What? Did you get an A on your math exam?”
“I said I have good news, not a miracle.”

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exotic stare

Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.