Fun jokes

“This is the police open up!” “NO!” “Why not?” “It’s really messy in here and I wasn’t expecting guests.”

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved with drugs… A Porsche and his own house by the… Read More »bad example

I walked into an explosive shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card. It all went horribly wrong when… Read More »pin

I knew my psychic was full of shit from the second she accepted my check.

I went to great effort to kill my wife recently, with a completely untraceable poison obtained from a plant that grows for just two weeks on the eastern side of a Peruvian mountain.Read More »scheme

Wife:”Don’t open that wardrobe! your birthday present is in there!” Me:*opening the door*”Too late…this is the stupidest present ever!” Me: “Why the fuck would I… Read More »present

My wife cames home to find me watching the football game…. Wife: “you turn that game off and go and do the dishes!! Me: *throwing… Read More »master

As my teenage neighbour put her jumper back on, I looked at her and said, “Please don’t tell anyone about this, they’d think I’m a fucking weirdo”
Read More »weird

A male whale and his mate were swimming around in the ocean, when all of a sudden, the male whale catches sight of a whaling vessel in the distance.
He takes a closer look, and recognizes it as the ship that harpooned his parents many years ago. So, he turns to his girlfriend and tells her that he wants to avenge the death of his parents.
Read More »no way

I’m pretty sure Jägermeister translates to “I didn’t want to be productive tomorrow anyway”.