2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop…

One lady whispers ‘I’m getting a boob job’

2nd lady: ‘That’s nothing, I’m getting my assh*le bleached’

1st lady says: ‘Really? I can’t imagine your husband as a blonde’

I went to a pet store today and put a large “CHAMELEON” sign in front of an empty cage.

Stand back and watch the fun.

Me – “We’re having a baby!”

Friend – “Aww, is it a girl or a boy?”

Me – “Yes, what else could it be..?”

I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on just watching her eating a banana.

Now after ten years of marriage, I only get aroused if she starts choking on it.

2 married ladies are having lunch in a coffee shop…

One lady whispers ‘I’m getting a boob job’

2nd lady: ‘That’s nothing, I’m getting my assh*le bleached’

1st lady says: ‘Really? I can’t imagine your husband as a blonde’

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet

I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.

My wife said that I have no discretion…
What do you guys think?

“How to break up with your girlfriend” A two-step process:
Step 1: take off your glasses
Step 2: say: ‘I’m afraid I can’t see you anymore!’

This morning I went to a meeting for my ‘premature ejaculator support group.’u

Trns out, it was tomorrow.

Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.
The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight.
Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem.
He said well take these drinks to table. 10.