A bit of artwork on the garage doors to confuse the neighbours😂

God will protect me from COVID

When asked to wear a mask, a staunch conservative woman refuses and says “God will protect me from COVID”.

When asked to practice social distancing she refuses and says “God will protect me from COVID”.

When asked to get vaccinated, she refuses and says “God will protect me from COVID”.

Upon contracting COVID and dying, she meets God and asks him, “God, why did you not protect me from COVID?”

To which God replies “What do you mean? I sent you masks, safety guidelines and a vaccine.”

Driving down the road today.
I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying:
“I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.”
Suddenly I realized how many gynaecologists are on the roads.

I like my women like I like my coffee

I’ve never had one, but they smell really nice

Jeff Bezos was in space for longer than the amount of time Amazon Warehouse employees are allowed to spend in the restroom.

Dentist: “This is going to hurt a bit. Ready?”

Me, shutting my eyes, dreading this moment: “Yes, ready.”

Dentist: “That will be $700 please.”

My girlfriend broke up with me, she said I was bad at communicating.

I didn’t know how to respond.

Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year gap on your resume?

Interviewee: That is because I went to Yale

Job interviewer: Oh, that is impressive! You are hired!

Interviewee: Thanks! I really needed this Yob

If Watson isn’t the most famous doctor…

…Then Who is.

I now know why Jeff Bezos divorced with his wife…

He needed space.