Still haven’t found

Bono from U2 is the voice of my cars GPS. It sucks. The streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking

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Still in paradise

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would all still be in Paradise, as they would have eaten the fucking snake. 🐍🍏🐍

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Trying

Boy asks mum, “Is it bad to have a penis?” She says “No, why?” “Because, dad is upstairs, trying to pull his off.” 🍒🍓🍒

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Check

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the UPS driver knocked on our door to see if everything was alright

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Only the…

Anal Sex: The only time a man tries to convince you his dick really isn’t that big

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Pour favor

My neighbour’s 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown. He still can’t say “please” though, which I think is poor for four.

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End of arguing

I was arguing with this really busty woman and she shoved my face in her tits. I don’t remember why we were arguing..

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Early

Let’s make our calendar end 8 years too early just to fuck with people. ~ Mayans

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