We should let Netflix run the next pandemic… …they don’t let anything last more than three seasons.

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Pair of

A husband and wife are having dinner at a fancy restaurant when a couple looking absolutely gorgeous walk in “What a pair!” says the wife “Yeah, the man doesn’t look too bad either” replied the husband

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I just watched a beautiful naked woman do stand-up comedy. Never laughed so hard in my life.

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Mixed signals

She kept staring at my lips the whole time, so I kissed her. So long story short I’m learning sign language now.

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Surprise

I met a woman last week who said she wanted a guy who’s funny and spontaneous Yet when I tapped on the window late at night wearing a clown suit it was all panic and screaming.

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Some marriages have a happy ending… It’s called divorce.

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nice wish

I wish you a happy New Year and for it to finally start looking like your photos on Instagram!

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almost come

The man’s wife informed him that there was a plumbing leak just as he was leaving for work. He advised her to contact a plumber to have the problem resolved. When he arrived at work, he called her and inquired, “Has the plumber come yet?” “Not quite,” she replied, “but I’ve got him breathing hard.”

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