Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with.
God answers “of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue”.
Adam is excited and asks “that sounds perfect, what will it cost me”
“An arm and a leg”
“….what can I get for a rib?”

Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his spare time.
At that moment, bar phone rang loudly and Pavlov started worrying. Barman got curious and asked: “Sir, what’s the problem?” Pavlov stood up and shouted:”God damn it. I forgot to feed the dogs.”

The doctor told me I needed a brain transplant.

I don’t want it.

But he changed my mind.

A man walks into a store. The cashier sayes “Sir you will need to put a mask on”. The man replies”Ouh shoot almost forgot, thanks”. The man puts on the mask and pulls out a gun, and yells out “ALRIGHT EVERYONE HAND OVER YOUR WALLETS!”

I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone.
And I’m left with the maniac.

What do you call a person who say they don’t masturbate?
A liar

Take good care of your ass
It’s your only body part that gives a shit.

As I get older I think about all the people I’ve lost along the way
Maybe being a tour guide wasn’t for me

I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.

I don’t know why my fishing buddy is afraid of coronavirus…he never catches anything.