The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip, do you think about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly”

I read that Covid-19 hasn’t affected the Amish community, it’s probably because they don’t have TV or social media.

I drove my secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at our office party. Although nothing had happened, I decided

Dude: Do u wanna sit on my face? Girl: Why? Is your nose bigger then your dick?

Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way for the neighbors to pay and build a privacy fence.

Every time I have to fold laundry I consider becoming a nudist.. Then I remember what I look like naked and I keep on folding.

G.F. :You treat our relationship like some kind of game. 😠 Me: this will cost you 12 points and a bonus round.

Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings.. What the hell is leftover beer?

Everytime you feel yourself getting pulled into other peoples drama, repeat these words: NOT MY CIRCUS~NOT MY MONKEYS!

Bono from U2 is the voice of my cars GPS. It sucks. The streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would all still be in Paradise, as they would have eaten the fucking snake. 🐍🍏🐍