@supernurse

Be aware!!!! It is quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t even been made yet.

@Jeep

People are bragging about now being able to 3D print a gun, I don’t see what the big deal is, I’ve had a cannon printer for years

@DanielTosh

Plastic surgery finally gives people the opportunity to represent externally how they feel on the inside … fake.

@vartha

Today, the girl next door gave me her number and said I could call her any time.
I looked at her and said: “Well, that’s a funny name.”

@MarsBonfire

Winning the lottery can sometimes be wife changing.

@Felmeme

I searched the internet for a Rorschach test
but all I found were a bunch of drawings of my parents having sex

@greedydita

I told my therapist that I feel like I’m living in a sitcom.
And then about 30 people laughed.

@BlackBerry_tekken

I asked a time traveller when will I get a girlfriend.
He said he can’t travel that far in future.