i saw a sign in the hospital this morning that read ‘family planning – use the rear entrance’
thats damn good advice, i thought!



I was showing my grandpa what YouTube was and he said that he couldn’t imagine what his childhood would’ve been like if he had that, I didn’t have the heart to show him PornHub.

Good News Bad News

Bob was in a terrible motorcycle accident and his legs weren’t in great shape, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of therapy, it soon became clear to the Doctor that they were just pushing off the inevitable. Due however, to Bob’s frail condition, the Doctor was afraid to give him the bad news. Instead, he gave the sorry job to Bob’s wife of 40 years, hoping that she would know how to break the bad news to him ever so slowly and gently. “Honey”, said Bob’s wife Eva the next morning, “I’ve got good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?” Bob, always in a morbid state, responded in his usual grumpy voice, “what do I care? Just give me the bad news!” “Well dear,” said Eva cupping Bob’s hand with her two hands, “I hate to have to tell you this, but it seems like your legs are going to have to be taken off.” Bob, barely able to hold his voice from cracking croaked out, “Eva, what’s the good news?” “The good news” said Eva happily, “is that that the gardener that was in here just before, said he may be interested in buying your slippers from you!”


Some cunt in a nightclub came up to me and said, “I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha.”

So, “20 x 0 = 0.”I don’t know what’s funny!

[Hiring] Looking to get a website with a few requirements

The requirements are:fetch real-time data from another website to present in UI. Will stream at around 3 messages/sec. Instead of using asynchronous polling could settle for presenting data in an iframe if it looks as good, as it’s just visual;allow the user to interact with sqlite data in a defined way. Page must not reload upon getting such a request, thus some sort of async js is likely required. Would settle for simpler alternatives;must look professional;total pages: register, login, pretend-tradeEssentially it would be bitcoin pretend-trade page, but without any of the logic or the underlying difficulties, just simple defined logic. Would pay in crypto. Other than websockets, and making it look good, there’s nothing too difficult or demanding.

Why didn’t the 11 ants get let into the ant hill?

Because the ant hill is for ten ants only.

LPT lose the word”I”


Technically, killing furries isn’t manslaughter

It’s poaching.

I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers…

Like you don’t see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.