How do you call the mouth of a smoker?
the exhaust pipe

I broke up with a girl once because she was having hallucinations.
She said “Carl, I.. can’t see you anymore”… That was weird. I was like- “Babe, I’m standing right here.” then she said “No, you don’t understand… I’m seeing someone else” which was really bizarre because it was just the two of us in the room. I had to break it off after that.

Grey hair is hereditary.
You get it from your children.


Movie ratings are an indication of who gets the girl
Rated G – the prince gets the girl.
Rated PG – the hero gets the girl.
Rated R – the villain gets the girl.
Rated X – everyone gets the girl!

you shouldn’t take my class on reverse psychology


Tired of losing money in the stock market?
Come visit our online casino.

Do you remember

Do you remember before the internet, people thought that the lack of information was the cause of stupidity?

Yeah, well that definitely wasn’t the cause.

They say the sea is salty from the tears of sailors.
After being on a ship for months with only men, I can assure you it’s not from their tears.