2 minutes

The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the murder of her husband. They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before

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Example

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of

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Only to stop

The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip, do you think about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly”

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Stay safe

I read that Covid-19 hasn’t affected the Amish community, it’s probably because they don’t have TV or social media.

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Where is my shoe

I drove my secretary home after she had had a little too much to drink at our office party. Although nothing had happened, I decided

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Life lesson

Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way for the neighbors to pay and build a privacy fence.

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Reminder

Every time I have to fold laundry I consider becoming a nudist.. Then I remember what I look like naked and I keep on folding.

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12 points

G.F. :You treat our relationship like some kind of game. 😠 Me: this will cost you 12 points and a bonus round.

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Wth

Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings.. What the hell is leftover beer?

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not my circus

Everytime you feel yourself getting pulled into other peoples drama, repeat these words: NOT MY CIRCUS~NOT MY MONKEYS!

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