@Strype

My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..

I said, “You woke me up at 3 O’clock in the fucking afternoon just to tell me that?!

@Nevil

I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother.

She’s an animal in bed.

@Mo

I’m in big trouble with my wife. Lying in bed, she asked ” What I’d like to do most with her body?”

Apparently, “Identify it”, wasn’t the right answer.

@dmatlack1023

Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”… I nearly died.