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when you miss the ads
– Dear, turn off the TV. It distracts me when we make love, and I can’t finish!
– I can’t, honey, we’re in the cinema.
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My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..
My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..
I said, “You woke me up at 3 O’clock in the fucking afternoon just to tell me that?!
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I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother.
I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother.
She’s an animal in bed.
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I’m in big trouble with my wife.
I’m in big trouble with my wife. Lying in bed, she asked ” What I’d like to do most with her body?”
Apparently, “Identify it”, wasn’t the right answer.
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Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”…
Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”… I nearly died.
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My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier…
My doctor said that I have to exercise more and eat healthier foods, this is going to be a huge change for me…
Finding a new doctor is a tough process.
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If I was in marketing I’d advise a company that makes pregnancy…
If I was in marketing I’d advise a company that makes pregnancy tests to call them Maybe Baby.
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cardmagic1002
Sometimes I’ll be sitting on the couch doing nothing, and I’ll think to myself, “Man, I’m really getting good at this.”
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My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for…
My asshole of a boss just yelled at me in front of everyone for eating chips at work.
“John, you’re a fucking croupier!”
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20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her…
20-years together and the Missus still gets upset if I use her toothbrush….
So, if anyone knows another way to get dog shit off my trainers, I’m all ears.
Jokes
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