My wife said I’m a useless, lazy slob & she deserves better..

I said, “You woke me up at 3 O’clock in the fucking afternoon just to tell me that?!


I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother.

She’s an animal in bed.


I’m in big trouble with my wife. Lying in bed, she asked ” What I’d like to do most with her body?”

Apparently, “Identify it”, wasn’t the right answer.


Recipe said to “Chill in the fridge for two hours”… I nearly died.